Thoughts for Men



I’m one of those people who tend to be an open book. What you see is what you get for the most part. Most of the time, the people who know me well know what I’m thinking by my expression on my face. As an Elder/Pastor/Bishop (whoever title people throw around), I feel it’s my job to be just me; not being fake but genuine. I try to be as transparent as I can be so I will share a secrete with you that only three people (Teresa, my pastor, and my accountability partner) have known about me. I share this only in the hopes that it will help others who have struggled with this sin. I’ve viewed internet porn and I’ve struggled with it for almost for 10 years. God is gracious in giving me a wife who has helped me get past it. I do not or will not say I am over it because I view this almost like an addition like drug addition is. I can easily jump back on the internet and let the figurers do the clicking.

A lot of men struggle with this and there are a number of pastors who have battled with this as well. It’s been a great while sinse I’ve viewed porn and Lord willing, I will never do it again. I’ve put up barriers to help me from doing it again. Because I know the danger of this sin and how it destroys lives, I wanted to know more the ins and outs of this issue. I’ve been reading “Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brian: by William M. Struthers. It has been eye opening as I read this book. William Struthers is an associate professor of psychology at Wheaton College in Wheaton, Illinois where he teaches courses on behavioral neuroscience, men and addictions and the biological bases of behavior. So basically he knows his stuff.

In his book, William gives nine reasons why some men view porn. It makes sense so I wanted to share the list with you.

1. Entitlement: “I’ve earned this.” Some men feel that their lot in life requires that they receive some sort of special treatment. They may feel that they should be given special permission to have this one outlet as their reward because they feel they have been give the short end of the stick in life.
2. Omniscience: “I know what you are thinking.” Some men may feel that they know what people are thinking; that their wives/girlfriends are just trying to restrict their freedom.
3. Altruism: “I am keeping it quiet to protect others.” Some who have a problem with pornography may continue to hide it because they think it is best for their loved ones not to know.
4. Deception: “Hope, not me.” Whether through direct lies of commission, omission, or assent, deception is a skill that many men have honed as part of their descent into depravity.
5. Blaming/Victimization: “It’s her fault.” It’s because their wives will not do XYZ with him or they do not want to have sex as much as they do that men “take to” viewing porn and take matters in their own hands. By playing the victim, the user attempts to absolve himself of his guilt.
6. Pride: “I am right, you are wrong.” A prideful person cannot admit they are wrong in their actions. They refuse to be humble and acknowledge they have a problem.
7. Objectification: “They’re just models.” Part of the problem with pornography is that it causes men to look at women as body parts and not people.
8. Distraction: “I’ve been really stressed lately.” By shifting the focus away from the inappropriate behavior to something else, like difficulty at work, a man can become too focused on what he believes is a justified cause.
9. Revenge: “This’ll show her/him.” Some men will purposely view pornography as a way of wounding someone.

I’m sure there are other reasons men give for viewing pornography, but this is the list on pages 70 and 71 that I thought could be helpful to you if you are struggling with this sin. Remember, all sin is destructive. This sin will create a barrier between you and your loved ones and between you and your God. Don’t play with fire; you will get burned eventually.