Fortifying A Marriage

Abstract

Marriage is a commitment between one man and one woman for life; however, the sanctity of marriage is under attack. Today’s society has reduced marriage to being a union until one or the other person is ready to walk away. With the divorce rate giving a couple a 50/50 chance to last, many are wondering how to make a marriage last for a life time. Marriage takes more than love; a life-long marriage is a decision to keep the commitment to each other and to the God Who put two people together. A marriage can be destroyed before a couple are ever wed; diverse issues from a couple’s past can and will affect how each communicates and how each views the other will shape the foundation of a marriage. This paper will explain how to fortify a marriage to ensure a life-long and God honoring union by seeing how to lay the right foundation, seeing how past experiences play a part, and keeping God as the focal point. Sources include the book Love and Respect, the book Why You Do The Things You Do, the book Caring For People God’s Way, and others.

Keywords: Premarital counseling, marriage, divorce, relationships

Fortifying A Marriage

According Genesis 2:24-25 (For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.), God instituted marriage. God designed humanity for intimacy. God created humanity for the most intimate of intimacy; man and woman are to become one flesh (Clinton, 2006). In the beginning, marriage was a prefect picture of the relationship between God and man. Marriage is sacred; based on Genesis 2:24-25, the couple (both man and woman) are to leave their families. This means more than leaving in a moving away sense; it’s more of an emotional leaving in order for the couple to cleave to one another. Cleaving to each other, the couple creates a permanent union that cannot and should not be broken. Lastly, in marriage a couple is to weave or form a oneness. This is the idea God had for marriage and it was this way until sin entered into the world and sin warped the ideal of marriage. The warping of the ideal of marriage affects both secular and Christian marriages.

The warping of the ideal of marriage can be seen in the statistics on divorce. Current divorce statistics in America is estimated at 50%. This data is not accurately correct, however, it is reasonably close to the actual rate. The Americans for Divorce Reform estimates that "Probably, 40 or possibly even 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce if current trends continue", which is actually a projection. Commonly said, 50% of all marriages in the America end in divorce (Divorce Statistics. n.d.). According to Dr. Clinton in his lecture “The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted,” he cites a number of statistics that may surprise most people. He states the regular data that 50% of marriages end in divorce, but goes further and states that the percentage of couples who separate and remain separated without actually officially divorcing is 66% to 67% (personal communication, August 21, 2012). With the different information that is available and resources available, the change of a marriage lasting a life-time is 50%; at best. To ensure a marriage can be long-lasting and God pleasing union, the marriage must be fortified.

Laying The Right Foundation

In order for a building to last the test of time, it must be built on a solid foundation. The foundation for a Christian marriage is the Man Christ Jesus. As with the first marriage in Genesis was a picture of the intimacy God had with Adam before sin entered the world, a Christian marriage is a picture of Jesus and His bride (the church). This is shown in Ephesians 5 where Paul lays out the roles of a husband and wife in their marriage. Paul concludes chapter 5 by saying, “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Dr. Emerson Eggerichs suggestions in his book Love and Respect that if a husband would show his wife love and the wife shows her husband respect, most martial issues would be resolved (P. 15).

The foundation of a fortified marriage takes planning. An excellent way to ensure a long-lasting and God pleasing union is making sure the foundation has time to set up properly. The longer the foundation has to become firm, the more likely the structure or building will last. The more time is taken to make sure the foundation is plumb or straight, the straighter the structure or building will be. A solid foundation takes planning and so should a marriage. Laying the proper foundation should start before the proposal.

In their book Pre-Engagement: 5 Questions to Ask Yourselves, David Powlison and John Yenchko lay out the idea if a couple asks five questions regarding each other before a proposal happens, it will prevent pain later in the relationship (P. 2). The first question a couple should ask is are both Christians? According to 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 (Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, “I will dwell in them and walk among them; And I will be their God, and they shall be My people.”), Christians should only marry other Christians. Making sure that each person has the same mindset is the ideal situation for a marriage. Some would even suggest if one person is a committed Christian and the other is a carnal (or backslidden) Christian, red flags should go up because this could keep the two from having the same mindset; the mindset of Christ. The second question a couple should ask is what is the track record of solving problems biblically? There is no problem-free marriage, but the couple with a record of solving problems biblically can have confidence that Jesus Christ is active in the relationship (Powlison & Yenchko, 2000). The third question asked in Pre-Engagement: 5 Questions to Ask Yourselves deals with the idea of “leaving and cleaving;” is the couple heading in the same direction in life? Four times the Bible has “leaving and cleaving” with regards to marriage. Leaving implies that the couple no longer follows the agenda of their parents; the couple sets out to create their own agenda for their lives together. Cleaving is a choice to move in the same direction as a couple (Powlison & Yenchko, 2000). The fourth question asked deals with the observation of other people of the couple’s relationship. Couples tend to be star-stuck with one another. People outside of the relationship will see the truth and not the sugar covered allusion. The fifth and final question is if each person in the relationship is willing to accept each other as they are? Fear, guilt, social pressure, and/or twisted sense of fate are not reasons for a couple to get married (Powlison & Yenchko, 2000).

Once the proposal is made and accepted, most couples fail to lay the ground work for a healthy marriage. In the book Love Is A Decision, Dr. Gary Smalley and Dr. John Trent write that it’s easier to get a marriage license than to get a driver’s license; the average couple will spend over two hundred hours getting ready for the wedding service but less than three hours in any type of premarital counseling (P.17). There are a number of premarital counseling tools couples can draw from to better prepare for marriage.

Dr. Clinton and Dr. Ohlschlager in their book Competent Christian Counseling, write about four types of martial interventions that promote better marriages by focusing on the preparation of marriage, marriage enrichment, church-based interventions (i.e. marriage education, marriage mentoring, and lay ministry counseling, and martial therapy). These hope-focused relationship enhancements can be used for couple enrichment, problem prevention, therapy for strengthening marriages (P. 456). Statistics show that even a small amount of training before the marriage begins will affect in marriage satisfaction in a positive way (Smalley, 1989). Making sure the foundation to a life-long marriage is laid properly; all the ingredients must of in the mix. The main ingredient is making sure God is the center of the relationship. The idea of honor is another important key ingredient to make sure the foundation for a life-long marriage is solid.

1 Peter 3:7 (“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”) focuses on husbands to honor their wives so that their prayers will not be hindered.  The husband is to show honor toward the wife as an equal. When honor is shown, this implies that the person’s opinions carry weight; they are valued (Smalley, 1989). Making sure God is the center of a marriage determines the strength of the foundation, and having honor in the couple’s relationship will further strengthen the union.

Having the proper foundation that is solid and straight will help in the fortification of a marriage. If a Christians’ marriage is truly Christ-centered, their foundation is strong. When storms of life come in forms of illness, financially stress, bitterness, etc. a marriage on a solid foundation will take the beating and still stand tall and strong.

How Past Experiences Play a Part

Knowing how past experiences play a part in a marriage will help fortify a marriage. In the book Why You Do The Things You Do, Dr. Clinton and Dr. Sibcy suggest that the desire for intimacy is the root cause of emptiness and desperation (P. 7). Today’s generation is in search for purpose, meaning and value; many are experiencing a sense of emptiness and isolation (Clinton, 2005).  Some enter marriage to find meaning and value; however, this does not happen.  Each person brings their past to the marriage.

The dominate factor that exists in a marriage is the relationship each person has or had with their parents. Dr. Clinton and Dr. Sibcy point out that children depend on their mother’s sensitive and responsive care. The early relationship between mother and child shape chemical processes in the brain. The processes that are being developed are a person’s impulse control, emotional calmness, and early memory development (P.16). A child’s relationship or lack thereof with either a mother or a father will shape a person’s relationship style. Every person has a relationship style. There are four primary styles; Secure, Avoidant, Ambivalent, and Disorganized (Clinton, 2006). Knowing what each relationship style and knowing how to work with the style is important to further fortifying a marriage.

The first relationship style is Secure. The beliefs that fuel the Secure style are “I’m worthy of love,” “I’m capable of getting love,” and “Other people are willing and able to love me (Clinton, 2006).” A person with the Secure style is confident in who they are; both in their abilities and in their deficiencies. Secure people don’t feel pressure to perform for others to earn self-worth points. The internal sense of security frees people with this relationship style to freely express their thoughts and opinions with confidence (Clinton, 2006). Dr. Clinton and Dr. Sibcy write that people with the secure relationship style have been shaped in an environment where their feelings have been respected so in turn, they respect the feelings of other people (P. 52). Since a person with this style has confidence, they trust others; a trust not based on naivety, but based on trusting others that they have selected through a connection (P. 54). Sensitive parenting lays the stepping-stones to a secure relationship style. Sensitive parenting is characterized by four main goals; regulating emotions, knowing a warm relationship, self-awareness, and developmental focus (P.55).

The second relationship style is Avoidant. The beliefs that fuel the Avoidant style are “I’m worthy of love based on my success and accomplishments,” Other people are either unwilling or incapable of loving me,” and “Other people are unreliable when it comes to meeting my needs (Clinton, 2006).” Dr. Clinton and Dr. Sibcy’s research shows that avoidant style people can be very desirous of a relationship, but love ones may actually feel much unloved and abandon. The two doctors go further and say that the person with an avoidant style does not enjoy being known because it awakens repressed feelings of loss about not being known as a child by a parent or parents (P. 70). Research has identified insensitive parenting (i.e. dismissive parenting, rejection, and intrusive parenting) as the one behavior that must consistently leads to insecurity and avoidant relationship style (Clinton, 2006).

The third relationship style is Ambivalence. The beliefs that fuel of the Ambivalent style are “I’m not worthy of love,” I’m not capable of getting love without being angry, clingy, or desperate,” and “Other people are capable of meeting my needs but might not do so because of my flaws.” The major factor in this relationship style can be traced back to the fear of abandonment because being raised in an emotionally confusing climate (Clinton, 2006). On the outside, people with the ambivalent relationship style are wonderful people to be around. Their outside shows one thing but in the inside they are full of fear; the fear of abandonment. This fear can be traced to how this style was parented. Dr. Clinton and Dr. Sibcy suggest that the primary goal of good parenting is to help children develop into functioning adults. They go further in their book and show the parenting styles (The Cold-should Treatment, Overprotection, Withholding Affection/Approval, and Invisible Fences) that can produce an ambivalent style person. The cold-shoulder treatment is when a child disagrees with the parent and they push them away emotional. Overprotection is when the parent keeps the child from any type of harm; they remain dependent. Withholding affection and/or approval happens when a child shows too much excitement when try some independence from their parent; this response dampens a child’s sense of autonomy. Invisible fence works a lot like the invisible fencing that keep animals in a yard; there is pain associated when the child crossed an unidentified line. The result for the ambivalent style person is fear and anxiety when faced with independence from the caregiver (P. 96-97).  

The fourth and final relationship style is Disorganized. The beliefs that fuel the Disorganized style are “I’m not worthy of love,” Other people aren’t able to meet my needs,” and “Other people are abusive, and I deserve it.” Persons with this relationship style find darkness everywhere they turn. There is no greener grass on the other side of the fence; the grass is dead on both sides. This relationship style is a product of their upbringing. The person could have suffered abandonment, been treated with inconsistent love and abuse, and have been subjected to contradictory communication; all of which contribute to the person sense of helplessness (Clinton, 2006).

Dr. Clinton and Dr. Sibcy write that a person’s past experiences will affect who they are in a relationship. The same experiences that created their relationship style will affect a marriage and all other relationships. Past experiences shape how people view their own self-worth. Past connections with people form a relationship style. This style is strongly formed as a person is nursed or not nursed by caregivers and then shaped further by relationships and experiences over the course of a lifetime (P. 179).

The Focal Point

In order to fortify a marriage, what should be the focal point? There are hundreds of books on the market-both secular and Christian-that are focusing on one thing or another. Will knowing the differences between the sexes help save a marriage from divorce? Possibly.  Will knowing the individual personalities help save a marriage from divorce? Maybe; maybe, not. The right question to ask is not what should be the focal point but who should be the focal point? Should the focal point be on the wife; her needs, her desires? No. Should the focal point be on the husband; his needs, his desires? No. Who should be the focal point of a marriage? God should be the focal point of a marriage; He should be at the center of any marriage.

Fortifying a marriage to last a life time takes being focused on keeping God as the center. A marriage between a man and a woman is a picture of Jesus and the church as Paul lays it out in Ephesians 5. For the most point, women dream of their wedding day since childhood. Some read bridal magazines and dream of Prince Charming riding on horseback. According to the Christian worldview, God brings two people together in His time. He either puts people through trials or allows them to take paths that develop and mold them into a person that their future spouse will need. God is the conductor of the marriage; He puts everything and everyone in their place (Tripp, 1999).

Jesus Christ is the foundation for a Christian’s life and marriage is no exception. Having a solid and firm foundation in marriage allows a couple to weather the storms of life. As honor is an ingredient to the marriage foundation, intimacy is another. When most think of the idea of intimacy, sex comes to mind; however, there are multiple levels of intimacy. Dr. Gary Smalley in his book Secrets to Lasting Love, suggests that there are five levels of intimacy. The levels are sharing clichés, sharing facts, sharing opinions, sharing feelings, and sharing needs (P. 28). Dr. Smalley further unpacks the levels of intimacy. Sharing clichés is level one; it’s basically surface talk. Sharing facts is level two; it’s talking about the weather, the office, what going on with friends (it’s a little deeper conversation). Sharing opinions is level three; discussing concerns, dreams, desires, etc. (the couple is getting deeper). Sharing feelings is level four; it’s discussing the deepest of emotions. Sharing needs is level five; it’s the deepest level of love and martial satisfaction (P. 29-31). Knowing the different levels of intimacy will allow a couple to develop a deeper level of communication and doing so will further strengthen the marriage.

Some couples have a misunderstanding that a life ling marriage is centered around love. The Beatles sing “All You Need is Love” is the anthem for many marriages; however, love may not be enough to weather the storms in a marriage. With the divorce rate where it is, love is not nearly enough. Some may say, “Commitment to the ideal of marriage is needed to insure a successful marriage.” For some people, commitment might take them a little farther but the end result is the same.

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in his book Love and Respect, suggests that root of a successful, life long, and loving marriage is found in Ephesians 5. He goes further and says that the root is found in the last verse of chapter 5 (Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. ). Based on verse 33 of Ephesians 5, the main need for a wife is to feel loved by her husband, but what is missed sometimes is the fact that the husband needs to feel respected by the wife (P.15).

Dr. Eggerichs discusses why wives don’t feel loved by their husbands and why the husbands don’t feel respected by their wives. He points out that the wife and the husband in every marriage speak different languages and view the world differently. Dr. Eggerichs says that women hear through pink hearing aids and see the world through pink colored lenses, and men hear through blue hearing aids and see the world through blue colored lenses (P.32-34). In order for each to be able to communicate with the other, both need to decode what is being said. All misunderstandings can be traced back to the fact that women and men see and hear differently. Dr. Eggerichs reaches a conclusion that at the heart of all conflicts in marriage, is a wife who wants to feel loved by her husband and a husband who wants to feel respected by his wife (P. 38). Dr. John Gottman (professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington) confirms that love and respect are the foundation of a successful marriage. When couples talk together there is what Dr. Gottman calls “a strong undercurrent of two basic ingredients: Love and Respect. These are the direct opposite of-and antidote for-contempt, perhaps the most corrosive force in marriage (P. 35).”  When a couple loves and respects each other, they honor the One Who put them together.

Conclusion

To insure a marriage is fortified like it’s needed to test the course of time, a marriage needs to have a strong and solid foundation. A fortified marriage starts before the engagement begins; making sure the couple are both on the same page with their commitment level. The fortification continues with seeking premarital counseling to insure each person in the soon to be marriage will be equip to have a God centered marriage. Knowing the past and the relationship styles of each person of the marriage will enable the couple to be able to communicate in a way that will further fortify a marriage to last for a life time. Making sure God is the focal point of the marriage will help set the tempo of each marriage. Understand how each person in a marriage communicates and know their need for love and respect will further strengthen the marriage. A fortified marriage will not only last the test of time, but will also be God honoring.

References

Clinton, T., Hart, A., & Ohlschlager, G. (2005). Caring For People God’s Way. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, Inc.

  Clinton, T. & Ohlschlager, G. (2002). Competent Christian Counseling. New York, NY: WaterBrook Multnomah.

Powlison, D. & Yenchko, J. (2000). Pre-Engagement: 5 Questions to Ask Yourselves. Phillipsburg, NJ: P & R Publishing Company.

Tripp, P.D.. (1999). Marriage: Whose Dream. Phillipsburg, NJ: P & R Publishing Company.

Smalley, G. & Trent, J. (1989). Love Is A Decision. Nashville, TN: Word Publishing.

Smalley, G. (2000). Secrets to Lasting Love. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.                    

Clinton, T. & Sibcy, G. (2006). Why You Do The Things You Do: The Secret to Healthy Relationships. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers.

Eggerichs, E. (2004). Love & Respect. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers.

            Divorce Statistics. (n.d.) Precept Austin. Retrieved from http://www.divorcestatistics.org/

            T. Clinton, personal communication, August 21, 2012.

Pride Check List

I’ve come across the below check list while reading “Discipleship Counseling” by Dr. Neil T. Anderson (on page 301). Everyone struggles with this in our lives, because it was the cause of Adam and Eve’s fall from grace. Because of their pride, they wanted to be “like God.” I pray this list maybe used to encourage you. Having a stronger desire to do my will than God’s will Leaning too much on my own understanding and experience rather then seeking God’s guidance through prayer and His Word Relying on my own strengths and abilities instead of depending on the power of the Holy Spirit Being more concerned about controlling others than developing self-control Being too busy doing important things to take time to do the little things for others Having the tendency to think I have no needs Finding it hard to admit when I am wrong Being more concerned about pleasing people than pleasing God Being concerned about getting the credit I feel I deserve Thinking I am more humble, spiritual, religious, or devoted than others

Bible Passages that Encourage Me

In my newest college course, I’m taking a biblical counseling class. Part of my course work is to complete discussion boards. This week’s discussion is asking the two Bible passages that encourage us. Below is my answer. The two top Bible passages that have helped me in my life are James 1:5 (But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.) and Philippians 4:13 (I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.). We are who we are through the giftedness God has given us and in part our past. Rick Warren mentions the term S.H.A.P.E. in his books “Purpose Driven Church” and “Purpose Driven Life.” S.H.A.P.E. stands for Spiritual gifts, heart, ability, personality, and experience. God uses all five to make us who we are; good, bad, or indifferent. Because I went through 5 of my 12 years in public school considered “special needs” I hold to James 1:5 because I can not rely on my own wisdom and know God is willing and able to give me the wisdom I need to serve Him. Because I hold to the fact God has called me to serve his people as a pastor, I know that He will enable me to do whatever He calls me to do and be. That’s why Philippians 4:13 encourages me as I serve others and do God’s call on my life. I know I am able to do what I am called to do because based on Ephesians 2:10 (For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.), God has already completed the tasks he has given me to do.

A Ripley Story



It’s been a while since I posted anything on my blog. I’ve been very busy with family, work, college course work, and of course my ministry with Common Ground but I had to share what happened last night.

After dinner, Teresa and I were talking about the week’s schedule (another crazy busy week for the Thomasson clan). We decided I would go ahead and cut the grass last night. After I cut the front yard, I opened our gate to cut the back yard and saw Teresa and Ripley. Teresa took Ripley out with her to clear the yard of stuff. We have a patch of bare ground where I dug up a tree root last fall (it’s the future home of Ripley’s turtle sandbox) and I saw Teresa had allowed Ripley to play in the dirt. Its fine with me; Ripley loves the out doors like her father and grandfather. When Ripley saw me, she had this huge smile on her face. She walked toward me and I walked away from the lawnmower for a hug; I love me Ripley hugs. As I got closer, I saw Ripley had dirt all over her face; it was adorable. I got my min-bear hug from my little girl. After the yard was done, Teresa gave me a cup of water and I took a shower. The plan was for me to take my shower, and then Teresa would shower with Ripley.

After my shower, I came downstairs and Riley was sitting at the dining room table; in her mommy’s chair. She was trying to open the box that has her ABC flash cards. She had torn the box trying to open it. Teresa was finishing up the dishes so I pulled out a chair and sat beside her. I took out the flash cards and started to show her the cards and Ripley told me what each letter was. You see, after our dinner time, we show Ripley her flash cards and she tells us the letters. They are not in order; she knows is ABC’s. She enjoys this so much that she wanted to do it on her own. Ripley loves learning. It amazes me and I am so thankful God is allowing Teresa the time to stay with Ripley during the day so she can teach her. Ripley is 2 ½ and she knows her ABC’s and can count up to 20. We’re working on colors and shapes.

I’m not saying Ripley is a genius, but I am so thankful she loves to learn. I pray that she continues to grow in mind and body. I pray that she will ask Jesus to save her at an early age so she can serve Him all her days. Teresa and I tell her, “Daddy loves you; Mommy loves you; and most importantly, never forget, God loves you.” We say this to her all the time.

Leading and Discipling God’s People

The name that goes hand-in-hand with pastor is under shepherd so the ideal of leading God’s people should be seen through the lenses of caring for and tending to the needs of God’s people. The ultimate example in all things regarding the church is our Head; the person Jesus Christ. Jesus lead by example and with a servant’s heart; doing even the lowest of servants’ jobs by washing the disciples’ feet. Based on Ephesians 4:11-13 (. . . and some as pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.), the pastor’s main role is to equip the Christian to be able to feed themselves the Word of God and be able to reproduce themselves spiritually. This is where discipleship comes into the picture.

The ideal of discipleship is must deeper than most churches portray it. Discipleship is much more than sitting in a Sunday morning classroom and reading a lesson out of a booklet. It’s much more than reading the Bible daily. Discipleship is having a spiritually mature person walk along side of a new Christian and aiding them in their growth. The mature saint is there to help with questions and build a relationship with the new convert. The mature saint will hold the new convert accountable (through love) with the main purpose of them growing in the new walk with Christ. As a person grows in their relationship with Christ, the old (fresh) man weakens and the new (spirit) man grows stronger. Christianity is a relationship with God through the shed blood of Christ so as a new convert grows in their relationship, they will want to do what God wants them to do. The Bible talks about praying, fasting, serving, and the like so the new convert will get to the point where they will want to do these things because they are in love with their Creator and their King. I think where the church has got it wrong is after conversion a person might get a 4 to 6 week class on the basics and let loose; that’s not discipleship. Discipleship is walking beside a new convert as long as it takes for them to grow to maturity. The period will vary and really who matures completely this side of heaven. The idea is for that new convert to one day be the mature Christian walking beside another new convert aiding them in their new found faith.

A Healthy Prayer Life

I was in the middle of answering questions about Pastor Ministry Duties for a course I’m taking for Liberty University and the question about having a healthy prayer life came up. Below is my answer for me and how I see keeping my prayer life healthy. I see this as a personal issue because every Christian prays differently. The key point is to have a consistent one.

“A healthy prayer life looks different for each person. I feel that a healthy prayer life for me consists of praying regularly. The Bible says to pray without stopping. I’ve learned over the years that prayer is just talking with God; knowing that it is because of the shed blood of Christ, I can talk with Him anytime I like and/or need. I think a healthy prayer should have four parts to it; Praise, Confession, Intercession, and Thanksgiving. Starting a prayer with giving praise to the God of the university Who came to earth and took my sin on Himself and making a way for me to be reconnected with Him is a no brainer. After spending time praising God causes me to see sins that I have not confessed to Him; so I do that. Once, I’ve confessed and received forgiveness, I ask God for blesses and needs for others first and then for myself last. I pray for my wife and daughter and then for my family; from my family I pray for my church family and friends and then for special needs I know of; lastly, I pray for my needs. After asking God to intercede for others, I can’t help but thank Him for His greatness and His might. For me, having a healthy prayer life means being transparent to my God and speak from my heart because He already knows my thoughts.”

In case you are wondering how often I pray? I pray throughout the day. I start on my way to work. I pray for most of the driving time (about 20 minutes) and once I get to work, I stop. Throughout the day, I’ll pray as God brings needs to my mind. We serve an awesome God; why shouldn’t we want to talk with Him?

Never The Same

There are events in a person’s life that will change them forever; the person will never be the same as they were before the event. The event could be as big as the birth of a child; the death of a loved one; or even as simple as graduating from high school or a college. These events leave an impression on a person. The person they were before the event will change somewhat who they are or how they view life. I remember when Teresa was giving birth to Ripley; I was encouraging her to breath and I heard the doctor say, “Here she comes.” I looked down in time to see Ripley come out and I thought, “Wow, I’m really a Daddy.” I knew I was going to be and had prepared for it but to see the birth of Ripley changed everything for me. My life has never been the same since; in a good way.

Encounters can do the same to people. If you encounter a thief in your house or on the street, it changes you. If you encounter true evil (i.e. being rapped, seeing a murder, killing someone else, etc.) it changes you. Just as encountering evil will change you, encountering true love will leave a mark as well.

Reading the gospels, we see how when people encountered Jesus they never left being the same as they were before they encountered Him. We have many examples of this in the 4 gospels and in Acts; the 12 disciples, Paul, the woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, Pilate, the Jewish leaders, the Roman centurion, . . . These people were never the same after they encountered Jesus. Some accepted Him as God in the flesh and some did not, but all were forever changed.

When a person encounters Jesus and accepts what He did for them on the cross; taking their sins on Himself and freeing them from the bondage of sin, they are never ever the same. Jesus will take someone who is dirty and loathsome in sin, and make them clean and loved. Whatever label people have on them - drug addict, alcoholic, dumb, slut, bastard - encountering Jesus changes them and a new label is given - loved, holy, righteous, royalty – and they will never be the same again.

Ego Trip


I’m reading through the book of Esther and I can’t help but see the underlining cautionary tale of pride. I know through my Old Testament survey course that the book was almost left out of the cannon because it never mentions God and that the main purpose of the book is to show how God is faithful in preserving His people, but it shows how pride affects people. Pay attention to Haman when reading Esther. Haman is made the right-hand man to the king by the king himself. He is over everyone in the vast Persian Empire. We are shown how he reacts when one man (Mordecai; uncle to Esther and a Jew) does not show him the respect he feels he is owed. His pride is so badly bruised, he schemes to destroy an entire race of people; the Jewish people. His plan fails and at the end, Haman is hung on the gallows he built to use on Mordecai.

I see the underlining story as an affirmation of what the Solomon wrote in Proverbs 16:18 (Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.). Haman was so prideful that because of one slight, he wanted to end an entire people group. That’s extreme, but can we say we are any different? We all have some level of pride that we must give over to God especially those of us who are in the forefront of a ministry. We can lose sight of what our function is. The function of any Christian (pastor, deacon, Sunday school teacher, etc.) is to direct people to God through His Son Jesus Christ. We start to think that we are doing this or we are doing that but in reality we aren’t doing anything; God is the One who is doing it.

Part of me picking up my cross daily and dying is giving my pride over to God. Haman is an extreme example of what pride can lead to so be mindful of it. Pride caused Satan to fall; it lead Adam and Eve to sin; and it can destroy you. Take a moment and read through what I call the “Pride Test.” I found this somewhere a number of years ago. If you can yes to anyone of these items, ask God to help you die to pride.

Pride comes as we. . .
• Think about ourselves
• Talk about ourselves
• Use the personal pronoun “I” as often as possible in our conversations
• Mirror ourselves continually in the opinion of others
• As we listen greedily to what people say about us
• Insist on consideration and respect
• Demand agreement with our own views on everything
• Sulk if people are not grateful to us for favors show them
• When we never forget a service rendered
It comes when we. . .
• Expect to be appreciated
• When we are suspicious of others
• Are sensitive to slights
• Are overcome with jealousy and envy
• Never forget a criticism
• Trust nobody but ourselves

You Never Know

Over the weekend, my family and I were in Missouri. We flew back on Monday and our plane left Kansas City’s airport an hour late so we missed our connection by only minutes. It didn’t look good for all of us to make the finally flight out. Teresa and Ripley had seats but I was on stand-by. As I sat waiting for someone to take the option to sit off I was praying but in the back of my head I was thinking the devil was attacking because God did do some great stuff in our Missouri trip. As I prayed, I trusted God to have His way in this. As the last people were boarding, I stood with Teresa and Ripley waiting. The US Airway gate personnel were great; they were rooting that someone would miss the plane so we could all go together. The ladies literally counted down to the when they could give the last two seats to me and a young man and as soon as the time it 7:50pm, they told us to go and shut the door behind us. Teresa and I were rejoicing in the Lord and little did I know so was the young man.

Teresa and Ripley sat a row ahead of me and I sat with the young man. We started talking and I found out that Nathan (the young man) was on his way to interview for a summer internship with an engineering company. He is a junior at Purdue University but wanted to use his engineering degree to be a missionary. As we spoke, I learned that he was saved in middle school and is a member of a church (a Baptist Church) that focuses on reaching out to the international students of Purdue. He’s a shape young man. Please keep him in your prayers.

As I was encouraging Nathan in his calling to missions, Teresa was ministering to a young lady who was traveling alone with a 23 month old boy. He was cute but a hand full. Ripley was being so good so Teresa could help the lady. The young lady was so thankful.

What I thought was a satanic attack ended up being a ministry opportunity that Teresa and I would not have had if not for the delay. I young missionary to be was encouraged in the Lord and a young mother was helped by a stranger. You never know when or how God will use you. We are told to always be ready to give our testimony to others and what better way to share our testimony about Christ by living it out. You never know.

No Need To Fear Because God Is Here

My family and I are praying about a possible new adventure. We are slowly walking through the discussions and as we do, we are praying and seeking God’s direction and guidance. I have a group of people that I talk with for wise council. I know I can count on their wisdom and their prayers. One such person sent me a lengthy e-mail full of wise words and encouragement. One section made me smile; he writes:

“The only reason I take the time to type such a long e-mail and share these details with you is because I have had to apply these points to my personal life -- and each time I needed to make an important decision, and I was trying to listen to God, it was very frightening! . . . I wanted you to know that if you are scared, that you are not alone. God provides many examples of faithful people who listened to Him and followed Him - no matter what the cost.”

Before I received this e-mail, I had been praying through the fear of the uncertainty of this possible new adventure for my family and me. As I pray through the fear, I have Bible passages come to mind to encourage me and strengthen me. Passages like:

“. . . I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” – Matthew 28:20b

“For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.” – Ephesians 2:10

“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.” – 1 Corinthians 1:27

These scripture passages encourage me as I seek the face of God. I know that what is uncertain to me is known to Him; what is unknown to me has already been accomplished by Him. Having just finished reading through the book of Acts and seeing men who were simple and uneducated do what was asked of them and changed the world showed me that this simple man can do whatever God is directing me to do because He will be the One doing it and I’m only a work glove He has chosen to use. Since God indwells me, I am never ever alone. There is no need to fear the uncertainty of the road ahead because God has already traveled this road and knows the way. There is no need to fear because He indwells me and since He is in me, I am never alone; and since I am never alone, why should I fear?

Thank you Holy Spirit for encouraging me and guiding me as I seek God the Father’s prefect will for my family and me. No matter the outcome; I pray the result will bring you honor and glory. That is my main purpose in this life.

We Are A Mosaic Masterpiece

On Sunday, we had a ministry luncheon and meeting. The main reason for the meeting was so the new lead pastor could share his thoughts of the merging of our two churches (Common Ground Community Church and Soul Central Church) and for me to explain the structure of the ministries of our new body. After we spoke, I had the ministry groups break out into their teams so they could get to know one another and for the minister coordinators to share their thoughts. I stood watching two churches becoming one body and one word popped in my head; Mosaic. Common Ground was mainly white with some African-American, Latin, and Asian people. Soul Central Church was all African-American with the desire to reach all of Portsmouth with no regard of race. God put us together and we are going forward hand-in-hand to proclaim the good news of Jesus Christ.

The mosaic thought, I know, is because we are taking different people – not only by skin color, but background, education, etc. - and creating a family. By definition, mosaic is the art of creating images with an assemblage of small pieces of colored glass, stone, or other materials (From Wikipedia). An artist will take broken colored items and arrange them in a way to create a picture.

You see, all humans are broken image bearers of God. When God created Adam, he was the image bearer of God. When Adam sinned, that image became broken due to sin. Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay the sin-debt for man so we can be rejoined with God. Once we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, God takes the brokenness we are and puts the pieces back together so we become true image bearers of Him.

Our local church was brought together by the will of God for His purpose. The Holy Spirit brought us together. We have all the races under one roof and God has placed the right pieces in the right places to form this beautiful picture of what heaven will be like; all people groups worshiping and praising God side-by-side. When an artist takes the different tinted pieces and creates a picture, he uses a bonding agent so the pieces will stick together. The multiple pieces become one piece when the bonding agent is dry. The church’s bonding agent is love; the love that God has for His people, the love we have for Him, and the love we have for one another.

God’s people are His mosaic masterpiece.

Sharing Your Passions

I’m ate up with my daughter Ripley. When I heard she was coming, I told everyone I met that she was on her way. When she got her, I showed pictures and video of her doing anything and everything. If anyone asks me about her, I go on and on and on and on about her and her achievements; she is in the 98 percentile for her height (36 inches); her vocabulary is increasing daily; she dances at any and all music (be it music on the T.V. or radio, commercials, etc.); she is singing now; the list can go on. I love sharing stories about Ripley. I tell family members, friends, neighbors, and even strangers about how great and wonderful Ripley is to me. I love bragging on my little girl.

People do that; they love to brag on what they are passionate about. People will talk nonstop about people or things they love. Be they children, a spouse, a car, a sports team, etc. People share their passion with other people. Sometimes you can’t get them to shut up about them. As Christ-followers, we should be the same way talking about Jesus Christ. We should brag on how great our God truly is.

How can we not be talking about Him? How can we not be passionate about what He’s done for us? Jesus left His heavenly home to be born a human. He went from having all the power of God to limiting Himself of that power (yes, he had power on Earth but He chose to limit Himself of His true power) in His human form. He was tortured and hung on a tree. He was punished for sins he never committed (we committed them). He suffered. He died. He did all that so that you and I can be rejoined with God the Father. Jesus paid the sin debt in our place; we could not and can not pay the price for our sin. The payment for sin is death. Jesus paid it for us. And not only did Jesus die for us, He conquered death for us; He took the sting of death and the keys of hell away so we never need fear either of them. Because of His resurrection from the grave, we have power in Him and through Him. We have power in Jesus Christ to overcome sin, hate, bitterness, etc. and be able to love others.

For what Jesus Christ did for us, how can we not shout from the rooftops the greatness of our Savior and our God? It’s simple, start by sharing with someone; anyone what Jesus did for you. Share who you were before Christ saved you; I call that life B.C. Then share how Jesus changed you through His power and through His grace; I call that life A.D. When you testify about what Jesus did for you; you are only sharing the facts. The Holy Spirit will do the rest. Our passion for Jesus Christ should blow away our passion for our children, achievements, cars, homes, and anything else we talk to others about.

Let’s start sharing Jesus Christ to the world this Christmas season and beyond. The army of the Most High God says; CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

True Meaning of Christmas

When most people think of Christmas, different things come to mind; gifts, Santa Claus, Trees, the Nativity, and/or Jesus Christ as a baby. As Christians, we have always been told that Luke 2 is the first Christmas; however, this did not take place in December. Most likely, this took place in late summer to early fall (August to early October). We know this is because in Luke 2 the shepherds were keeping watch over the sheep at night. Shepherds would only do this when the weather was warm enough and December the weather is too cold to do this.

If Christ was born in the late summer to early fall, why do we celebrate His birth in December? Most of the customs and traditions of Christmas actually pre-date the birth of Jesus, and many of them are downright deceptive in their meaning and origin. Here are a few examples:

The date of December 25th probably originated with the ancient "birthday" of the son-god, Mithra, a pagan deity whose religious influence became widespread in the Roman Empire during the first few centuries A.D. Mithra was related to the Semitic sun-god, Shamash, and his worship spread throughout Asia to Europe where he was called Deus Sol Invictus Mithras. Rome was well-known for absorbing the pagan religions and rituals of its widespread empire. As such, Rome converted this pagan legacy to a celebration of the god, Saturn, and the rebirth of the sun god during the winter solstice period. The winter holiday became known as Saturnalia and began the week prior to December 25th. The festival was characterized by gift-giving, feasting, singing and downright debauchery, as the priests of Saturn carried wreaths of evergreen tree branches in procession throughout the Roman temples. Variations of this pagan holiday flourished throughout the first few centuries after Jesus Christ, but it probably wasn't until 336 AD that Emperor Constantine officially converted this pagan tradition into the "Christian" holiday of Christmas.

The true origin of Christmas is filled with controversy and compromise. A quick study will reveal a number of disturbing roots that we haven't the time to talk about today. In short, the Christmas holiday we celebrate today is indicative of Christianity's willingness to absorb the world's customs and traditions, and forget its simple roots in the historical reality of Jesus Christ. Christmas should be nothing more than a simple, yet wonderful reminder of Christ's humble beginning as a human child in this world. His birth merely set the stage for the power, glory, and salvation that would be revealed in His life, death, and resurrection!

For me, Christmas is more about the spirit of what it represents; that God came down to our level and lived with us. I have a saying, “Jesus didn’t come to Earth for Christmas; Jesus came for Easter.” In other words, Jesus didn’t come to be born but to die for our sins.

Staying in Time With God’s Rhythm

Man’s concept of time is so different than that of God’s; we are finite and He is infinite after-all. Reading about how God laid his plan out to bring about salvation blows my small brain. God took 400 years to create a nation out of one man with 12 sons (think about it; the United States is only 235 years); for me 400 years is a long time but not to God. When Jacob (Israel) and his family went to live in Egypt, there were about 70 people in total and when God brought them out 400 years later there were over 2 million people (some scholars think the number could be bigger; closer to 6 million). The idea how God takes His time to do his work leaves me awestruck.

When God gives us a task to do for Him, we think we will do it now. Most of the time, we are no where ready to do the work He calls us to do. When Samuel anointed David with oil to be king of Israel, David was only 14 to 16 years old. He had no leadership experience, no training in war, or no political training; nothing. God had called David to do a job and when God calls us He equips us. David learned reliance on God by tending to sheep alone in the country side. God opened the door for David to be noticed by the then king Saul who made him his personal musician. From there, David was trained in the art of war, becoming a general with his own troops, and being developed into a leader by experience. God took 15 years to make David king of a portion of Israel and then made him king of all Israel. When it was all said and done, it was 20 years or so before David became king but he was called to the job before he was “qualified” for it. When God calls you to do something; all the qualifications needed are met in Him.

David served God as king of Israel for a good long time. Some people are called to a task by God and do it for a long time and some for a shorter amount of time. In either case, they are doing the task they were called to do for God. We all have a purpose in our lives as God’s people. Paul is quoted in Acts 13: 36, “For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep [or died] . . .” After God is done with us, our task is completed.

Remember what I wrote in the last post about Ephesians 2:10? The task or job God calls us to do for Him; He has already completed it. Our job isn’t to produce anything; it’s to follow God and march to His drumbeat. God is the One who produces fruit from the ministry He has called us to do. We just need to stay in time with the rhythm He has set.

Giving God the Honor and Focus and Not Man

According to scripture, as a believer in Jesus Christ and a child of the living God my sole purpose in life to give praise and honor to Him. Man should never get the same honor that is reserved for God and man should never be the sole focus of any believer.

I’ve been raised in a Christian home and have been attending a Baptist church since I was in diapers; I even attended a Baptist college. I know some but little of the Catholic church. One thing I do know is that they hold Peter as their first Pope. I’ve always thought this strange since Peter is known to have been married (Jesus healed his mother-in-law) and no Catholic priest (the Pope being the highest priest) are not allowed to marry. I also know (through reading books and watching movies/TV shows) that when someone has an audience with the Pope or other Catholic officials the custom is to kneel and kiss their office ring. This practice goes against what Peter tells Cornelius in Acts 10 (When Peter entered, Cornelius met him, and fell at his feet and worshiped him. But Peter raised him up, saying, “Stand up; I too am just a man.”). As a non-Catholic, I find the practice of kneeling before any man and kissing his office ring offensive; especially in light of Acts 10 and the teachings of Jesus Christ where He teaches no one should hold themselves higher in office (or attitude) to others. No one should think of themselves better other any other person. The sad thing is that the Catholic church doesn’t have a monopoly of this type of practice.

We have churches in the Baptist convention that treat their pastors as if they were their Pope. The man can do no wrong and some of these men start believing it. I think it’s great when I see men staying longer than 2 years (that the average tenure of a pastor in the U.S.) at a church, but it seems the longer a man pastor’s a church the likelihood that they could (I say again; could) loss their focus. The focus or job of any pastor of a church is to equip the members of that church to grow in their relationship with God by reading their Bibles and having a healthy prayer life. The Christian should be looking to God for answers by reading their Bibles. Going to a pastor is good for help but a pastor is not the end all and be all. God is the end all and be all.

As a pastor of God’s people, I see myself as someone who should stay out of the way so God can do His work. Jesus Christ is the head of the church; He is the Great Shepherd of His flock. I am merely an under-shepherd; a steward. The focus should never be on me; the focus should always on God and what He wants for His people. I should never aspire to be honored; I should aspire to bring honor to my Savior and my Father. I pray I never loss that focus.

In The Shadow of the Cross

Ripley loves playing with her shadow. I’ve noticed over the last six months or so that when I’m changing her diaper, she is lifting her arms up and looking at the wall where she sees her shadow. She laughs and waves her arms around. This past Sunday, I was walking behind her trying to get her to walk through the garage without stopping to touch everything and she kept looking at the floor. I was right behind her so instead of her seeing her shadow; she saw mine. Since my shadow is bigger; her shadow was lost in the middle of mine. I wondered then and still do if she thought “Wow, my shadow is huge!”

I’m reading through the book of Acts and am seeing the same men who less than a year before who ran for their lives standing with boldness and proclaiming Jesus Christ. It is awe inspiring when I read the accounts. The apostles don’t inspire me; it’s what God did through them that inspires me. What inspires me when I read is what God can do through people who are 100% committed to Him. The apostles did nothing on their own; they were only tools that God used to further His Kingdom. We, as God filled believers, must understand that whatever we accomplish for God on this green ball we call Earth is not us doing it; it’s God Himself who is doing it and we are the tools He has chosen to use.

When I teach and/or preach, I always ask God to have the group see and hear Him and not me. I stand before people in the shadow of the cross. The shadow I see before me is not my shadow but the shadow of the cross. When properly aligned, my shadow (me as a person) is lost in the shadow of the cross so when people see me; they are seeing the cross. That is my desire when I teach and/or preach and that is my desire when I walk through this life. My desire is to be lost in the shadow of the cross so I will never forget who is at work. It’s not my church; it’s not my ministry; it’s not my flock; it’s all God’s. He is the One who develop the plan to redeem me; He is the One who paid the sin debt on the cross by shredding His blood; He is the One who drew me to Himself and is leading me and indwelling me. It’s not me; it’s Him who accomplishes anything of worth in my life.

Ephesians 2:10 breathed new life in my ideal on what I’m doing for Christ. This passage encouraged me 6 or so years ago to walk without fear of failing. Because when I am walking with God and marching to the beat of His drum, I’m right where he wants me. I’ll close with the verse and I pray it encourages you;

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”

Giving Thanks


Today is “Black Friday” and I’m sitting at my desk thinking about yesterday and what it means to me and how most of the history regarding Thanksgiving’s Day is all about has been rewritten. With Ripley’s birthday falling on Wednesday (Thanksgiving’s Day Eve) this year, I was very mindful how blessed Teresa and I are with a great child. I’ve written at length what a miracle baby she is; being born with malrotation and needing surgery at 10 days old. She is a walking miracle with only a faint line showing where the doctor opened her open (almost two years ago) to do his thing to make her insides right. God has my thanks for that and so much more. As a Christ-follower, I give thanks to God on a daily basis.

Thanksgiving’s Day is so much more than just turkey with the “fixings” (in fact, we had Cornish Game Hens yesterday instead) and spending time with family. It’s more than eating to much and watching footfall. It’s more than a “holiday” before the Christmas season. It’s about God’s people taking time to give thanks to Him for preserving their lives and blessing their colony in Massachusetts.

The day that we celebrate “Thanksgiving’s Day” was when the Pilgrims were giving thanks to God and not the Indians for preserving their lives from the harshness of the past winters and the fruitful harvest they had. It is true that the first winter the colony at Plymouth Rock, Mass, that half the colonists died. The following spring, the Indians did indeed show them how to grow food and hunt for beaver. The Pilgrim saw all this as God providing for His people. Their colony was based on what they read in the Old Testament and New Testament As God bless their endeavors, the Indians started to trade with them and since the trading was so successful, the Pilgrims were about to pay the companies that sponsored their colony back very quickly. The Pilgrims invited the Indian tribe to be part of the feast to show their appreciation for their assistance but at the same time showing them that God used the Indians to preserve them. The first Thanksgiving’s Day feast was a celebration and a witnessing tool; giving thanks to God and showing the Indians that there is a God and he loves His people.

Thanksgiving’s Day should be everyday for God’s people. I am thankful to God for:

Him dying on the cross in my place and drawing me to Himself and saving me at an early age.
Giving Teresa to me to be my wife and helpmate.
Giving Ripley to me to be her father and being able to watch her develop into a really neat little person.
Being raised in a Christian family (with both a Dad and Mom).
Giving me a purpose in my life and developing me into the man He will use to further His Kingdom.
Giving me a well paying job where He has used to supply a house, cars, food, and list can go on and on and on.

Once we start to mediate or think about how truly blessed we are, one day is not enough to offer thanks to our Heavenly Father. What are you thankful for? Tell God thank you.

A Pastor’s Mandate

You never know what will make a thought pop in my head. This post started yesterday (Monday, 11/21) at the dentist’s office. Teresa and I wanted Ripley to see what going to the dentist is all about so she sat on my lap as Teresa had her cleaning done. The dental assistant was in awe that Ripley drinks either milk or water during the day and no pure juice (only half water; half juice and only when she needs help with pooping; sorry if this offenses anyone). The assistant was further surprised when we told her that Ripley only ate a bite or two of her birthday cake wanting a piece of celery instead. Ripley is used to eating fruit and vegetables. I know if I come in the living room eating an apple, Ripley will want some. That’s all she has even known; eating healthy. That’s our job as her parents; making sure she knows eating the right foods will make her feel better and teaching her to feed herself will equip her to live a healthy and productive life.

When it comes to the church; there are too many anemic Christians. Those who want to be spoon fed on Sundays and thinking they are healthy/productive followers of Christ. When a pastor spoon feeds his people milk each week and never equips them to feed on streak there is an issue. Milk is great for babies and is good when added to a balance diet but for adults only drinking milk there is a lack of getting needed vitamins in their bodies. It’s partly on the pastors to get the church members to desire streak and it’s the pastor’s job to equip them to be able to feed themselves. To help me stay focused on the true role of a pastor, I’ve come up with a pastor’s mandate.

The mandate is based on two Bible passages; Ephesians 4:11-12 (And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ;) and 2 Timothy 3:16 (All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness; that the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.). As a pastor, I see part of my job is to teach the church member to be able to grow in their walk with Christ by giving them the tools to read and understand the Bible. I’m to teach them to be able to read the Bible and apply it in their daily lives. The old adage will fit here; give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; but if you teach a man to fish, he will eat for a lifetime.

When a Christian is rooted in the Word of God, he/she will be able to stand on the assurance of what is in the scripture when the storms come (Jesus said when storms come; not if they come). When a Christian is rooted in the Word of God, when books like “The De Vinci Code” is published they know it’s only a work of fiction and not based on anything other than a philosophy and that a 6 week sermon series is not needed. When a Christian is rooted in the Word of God, he/she will have a better understanding where they fit in this thing we called life and what their true purpose is and how they can fulfill that purpose.

I know that not all church members want to read the Bible or want to make it part of their lives. That is the difference between a Christian and a disciple (or learner) of Christ. The word Christian means to be “Like Christ.” I like the term Christ- Follower instead of Christian. When a person is a Christ-Follower, they want to be “Like Christ” in every way. As a pastor, I want to lead like Christ led His Disciples so I read the gospels to see how He led and how He lived His life on Earth and by God’s grace I try to do the same. I fail more than I success, but I’m trying.

If a church member has no desire to grow in their walk with Christ; they could be just that, a church member. Being a church member doesn’t mean you are a Christian or a Christ-Follower. It just means you name is on the role books of a local church. A Christ-Follower’s name is in a church’s role books and in the Book of Life.

It’s been 2 years Already


It’s hard to believe that on Wednesday, 11/23, little Ripley Anne Thomasson (AKA Sunshine) will be 2 years old. The time has flown by. Everyone with children has told us that. What a rollercoaster of enjoy it has been.

I remember the evening before we knew for sure. We were shipping at Wal-Mart and Teresa picked up a testing kit and I looked at her with puzzlement. She told me that she had felt weird for a few days and wanted to see if it was true or not. We’ve stopped preventing pregnancy 4 or 5 years before. We both settled to the fact that we might not be blessed with a child and now there was a chance. I was excited. The following day, I saw the test on the bed with a plus; I ran downstairs and kissed Teresa and wanted to shout it out for the world to know. She asked me to wait a few months before we tell the family to make sure nothing went wrong; Teresa was 43 at the time. After 3 months of waiting, I was given the green light and I told everyone from our family members, church members, and even a few people at the gym.

Things went very well during the 9 months. I sang to Teresa’s stomach and read stories to her stomach. I was getting ready to be a Daddy. A position I longed for but stopped hoping for. When Ripley came out at 4:05pm on Monday, 11/23/2009, I went with the nurses as they cleaned her talking to her. Apparently after months of talking and singing to her, she knew my voice and she settled downed. I was in awe; and I still am.

Ripley gets so excited when I come home from work. I’m still getting used to her dancing around the living room when I come through the door. I love being a Daddy and I know that whatever I do and say to her will affect the way she sees God (the Father). I take that responsibility very seriously. I tell her many times during the day that I love her. I tell her that God loves her and that He died for her. I know she is only 2 years old but I’m planting a seed that I pray God will harvest. I pray that God will draw Ripley to Himself when she is young. I pray that she will come to know Jesus Christ as her Savior and use her life to serve Him all her days. I pray that God will allow me to see her grow and become a lady that will bring Him glory.

I love my little ray of Sunshine.

Unplugged

Last week, my cell phone was stolen from my gym locker. And to answer your question; no, I did not have a lock on it. I have since bought one. A dear friend gave me his older phone (same Blackberry I had but one generation removed). I had my phone number put in this phone but for some reason the website and social media was not working so for 3 days (until I made the time to go to a Sprint store) I was unplugged from e-mail and Facebook when I was away from my computer. My Blackberry is a smart phone so I can do a lot with it so it was weird not having it for those days. It felt kind of freeing to be unplugged.

In his book “Replenish,” Lance Witt writes how important it is to get unplugged. To set a time out of either your week or day to get away from the computer, cell phone, church office, and get alone. I thought it is easy to do; I do it at least three times a week. I leave my cell phone in the locker when I go to the gym. I do not use an I-pod or MP3 player while I run. When I run or swim it’s me time to get lost in my thoughts. We have a rule at our house that we do not answer the house or cell phone while we are eating dinner; it’s family time.

The difference that I found when I unplug willingly and when I was forced to was a sense of losing out on something; information. It was a weird feeling when I first had my smart phone turned back into a smart phone. I sat in my truck and put my Facebook account back on my phone before leaving the parking out. What’s up with that?

In our society, we want information now. Be it real news or trash about Hollywood. We’re a me now society. We think that if we unplug, we’ll loss out on something; anything. Jesus when He was here took time to be away from your disciples. It was His time to be along with his Father. When you read the gospels, He always went away to be alone just before He made big decisions; choosing His disciples, before teaching to bigger crowds, or when He decided to move on to another village. He always made time to spend time with His Father. He got direction, encouragement, and a sense of oneness with His Father.

As a Christ-follower, I am told to be like Christ. The Holy Spirit directs me and God the Father molds me to be like Christ. If Jesus Christ made time to unplug, I should do the same. And not just when I’m working out, but when I can spend real time alone with my Savior. Everything will not fall apart if I take an hour to get unplugged. It’s time to unplug.